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The Second Bite

Midlife isn’t a crisis—it’s a wild, holy becoming. This is your invitation to experience midlife as it was meant to be: sweet, curious, delicious.

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Waiting until it’s perfect

Support for women ripening into their second bite of life. Hi Reader, Today I want to talk about that sketchbook you keep meaning to open, the melody that hums somewhere in your chest with nowhere to go. If you’re anything like the women I coach, there’s a good chance you've put creativity largely on the back burner. Maybe it was the years you poured into your children's imaginative lives while yours went dormant. Or the graduate program that trained you to think in arguments and evidence...

Support for women ripening into their second bite of life. Dear Reader, I want to tell you what I did with my overwhelm this past weekend. (Because it was glorious!!) I spent two hours with a small group of women — plus some chalk pastels, torn open paper grocery sacks, scissors and glue — making a mess and letting the overwhelm say what it needed to say. Three things came through. I think at least one of them is for you. Everyone is overwhelmed right now. Some of us have a parent in hospice....

Support for women ripening into their second bite of life. Hi Reader, You know that feeling of carrying something around for weeks — turning it over, trying to get clear, waiting until you understand it well enough to say it out loud? Most of us spend a lot of time there!! I was in a session recently with a group of women I love deeply. One of them brought something tender and unresolved, right in the freshness of it. I don't even know if this makes sense. It's still pretty fresh. Sorry, I'm...

Support for women ripening into their second bite of life. Hi Reader, For a long time, my inner life got fed crumbs. Not intentionally. That's not how it happens, right? Nobody decides to put themselves last. It just becomes the shape of things — the default setting you stop questioning because you're so busy living it. I couldn't even tell you when exactly it moved to the bottom of the list. (Not because I didn't care. Because I cared about everything else first.) My heart's desires got the...

Support for women ripening into their second bite of life. Dear Reader, When Bonnie came to work with me, she couldn't name what was wrong. Only that something was. "I know something is… off," she confided. "But I have no idea what that something is." As I listened, the picture filled in: A career that used to really sparkle. An artistic streak she'd abandoned. A marriage she'd stopped bringing her full weight to. Aging parents on both sides. Children's tuition to think about. A promotion...

Support for women ripening into their second bite of life. Dear Reader, If you've been around my newsletter for a while, you probably know my mom has journeyed with cancer. For 15 years. She has said yes to life in ways that still astonish me. In January, she moved into hospice. And her decline has been so, so fast. Yesterday I curled up next to her while she slept, soaking the corner of our shared pillow with my slow, deep tears. It was such simple nectar — feeling her hold my hand. Watching...

Support for women ripening into their second bite of life. Dear Reader, You're probably going to know the answer to this question before I finish asking it: When life gets full — and it always gets full — what goes first? The walk without your phone. The unhurried morning spent recalling your dreams. The ten minutes at the window, not doing anything, just there. Gone. And here's the tape that likely starts playing the moment you even consider taking a beat: If I slow down, things will pile up...

Support for women ripening into their second bite of life. Hi Reader, Yesterday I scrolled upon Andrew Scott reading Everything Is Going To Be Alright by Derek Mahon: How should I not be glad to contemplate the clouds clearing beyond the dormer window and a high tide reflected on the ceiling? There will be dying, there will be dying, but there is no need to go into that. The lines flow from the hand unbidden and the hidden source is the watchful heart. The sun rises in spite of everything and...

Support for women ripening into their second bite of life. Dear Reader, I wrote my dissertation on renewal and play because I needed to learn what my body already knew: rest isn't the absence of passion. It's what rekindles it. Here's what all that deep study taught me: the most transformative practices are often the simplest. Il dolce far niente. The Italians understand this. The sweetness of doing nothing. Because you can't repair what you won't stop using, beloved. Not...

Support for women ripening into their second bite of life. Hi Reader, Picture this. I rushed out the door to an early doctor's appointment (just routine). Got sent over to the hospital for lab work, since the tech was out at the office. Ran by the market to get staples for the winter storm approaching. Threw together a quick lunch and switched the laundry. Checked in with my dad and husband (who was filling in for me as a ski trip chaperone—more on that later). And then I realized it was...