Reader,

Over golden lattes and biscuits glossed with tart apple butter, my dear friend and I named our “terrifying thought of the day.”

We spoke them into the quiet café, setting them down like heavy bags at our feet.

We noticed what was loosening the grip—the small intentions we were tending to, like embers in the dark: tucking our phones away in another room, stirring sauce until it thickens, shaping felted stones with our hands, dreaming up new gardens and inked talismans.

And we reminded each other—uncertainty isn’t new. It’s always been there for those of us living beyond the edges of the mythical norm.

If you’re feeling stretched thin, overwhelmed, or caught in patterns you can’t quite name, here’s what I want you to remember:

Anxiety has its own choreography.

And like any well-practiced dance, its steps become second nature—so ingrained we hardly notice when we’re moving to its rhythm.

One of my go-to sources of wisdom on fear is Dr. Harriet Lerner.

She taught me to see anxiety not as a personal failing, but as something shaped within systems—family systems, workplace systems, entire cultural systems.

So before I name the five dances of anxiety, let’s agree: these aren’t flaws.

They’re the ways we’ve learned to seek steadiness when things feel unsteady.

The Five Dances of Anxiety:

🌸 Overfunctioning—Taking charge, micromanaging, over-giving, filling every gap with your own labor.

🌸 Underfunctioning—Retreating, doubting yourself, feeling forgetful or incapable, avoiding decisions.

🌸 Blaming—Fixating on someone else’s role in the problem, underfocusing on your own agency and creativity.

🌸 Distancing—Withdrawing physically or emotionally, silencing yourself, vanishing into your own thoughts.

🌸 Gossiping—Circling the issue in conversation, talking about someone instead of talking to them.

See yourself anywhere in this list? No judgment—just noticing.

These patterns aren’t weaknesses. They are adaptations.

They live in our bodies, our relationships, the world around us.

And like any dance, they can be rewritten.

As a coach, I know this: naming what is creates space. A pause. A breath between movements.

So I’ll be back Sunday with ways to shift these patterns—gently, in your own way, in your own time.

Until then, I’d love to hear: which of these dances feels most familiar to you? Press reply and let me know.

To your second bite,

Brooke

P.S. Have you listened to the world's most relaxing song yet?

P.S.S. Marcella Hazan's Bolognese Sauce​